| 100 cups of coffee! |
[01 Apr 2008|01:48pm] |
Remember that Futurama episode where Fry drank 100 cups of coffee? It sounded like a fun personal challenge!
I'm on cup #63 or 64... this was probably my worst idea yet.
Oh well.. I'm gonna see this through.
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| "You can't win Rock, there's no air on Mars!" "Well then there ain't no air for the Marsians neither |
[29 Mar 2008|08:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 amused |
] |
A friend of mine got the re-released Final Fantasy Tactics for PSP. I played the first battle, the church fight, to see the awesome cut scene animation after. That game is worth getting a PSP alone, but that's not what I'm talking about.
I changed the name of Ramza to something else, and it was ridiculously awesome, in a strange way, when he said his first line of the game:
Knightface: "I am no longer a knight."
Ironic! Dramatic! Inner conflict! None of those were present in that actual moment of the scene, but I added them by pausing after he said it! Yeah, I named him Knightface. It was the first thing that came to my mind, and I stuck with it.
Knightface is an epic name! Not epic because its cool, but epic because its ridiculous and over-the-top cheesy. Epic! What would a guy named Knightface do? Save Jesus from the Sith and restore Narnia? All in a day's work for Knightface!
I stayed up late drawing a picture of Knightface (an original design, not Ramza), in his moment of weakness.. that first line he said. When it's done it's going up on deviantart, of course. It's coming out well, and exceptionally cheesy.
Epic!
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| "Aww, Seymour can do 2 things at once: Swim and eat! Oh-- three things!" |
[28 Mar 2008|12:25am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 creative |
] |
Status report:
Its been a long while since I used my account here. It was taking a lot of time to post journal entries of real journal quality, like a lot of my old ones. I've been playing a lot of FFXI still, too much in fact, so I figured I could take time away from it and put that time in here again. And so it has been done.
That's one thing I've been up to a bunch: FFXI, and my love of the Puppetmaster job! It's almost fully merited, so my automaton Serenade can dish out fantastic damage. I think I need to get away from FFXI a bit, though. Playing an hour most nights, with some real life friends, is definitely enough.
Me and the floor have had a passing relationship for a long time. I'd sit on it, step along it, etc. I avoided too close of contact with it, rather gracefully, for years. Even roller blading or skating, I simply do not fall or only fall lightly without injury. It was only inevitable that me and the floor would air our pent up hostilities to each other directly. A rug slid under my foot and I fell face-first, gracelessly onto hardwood floor. I think my hands were sufficiently occupied, or they also slid along the floor providing no relief from the impact. I punched the floor in retaliation! Seriously.. the floor is such a dink! It didn't help that I was starting to get low in blood-sugar (I was on my way to get food), but my nose was bleeding and face was roughed up good. It was a blood-bath that I was perhaps semi-conscious for! Take THAT floor! BLOOD.. ALL OVER! If I didn't have to clean it up, I would have been laughing! It was like a supreme disrespectful act, except it only rhymes with mud!
I'm better now. My nose is still a bit sore, and the scab from a gash on my chest is slowly peeling off. I'm not certain where the gash came from, I was preoccupied with face. Possibly from Floor's ally, Table? Next time I take good spill I'll bring my friends too! What're you gonna do then, huh?
I got into Naruto a little while ago; the whole story arc where Sasuke ditched the leaf village to train under Orochimaru... that was straight awesome! The bad news.. the following 150 episodes just leeched off that great arc's lack of closure (100 Naruto, 50 Shippuuden). I couldn't watch most of them, they were pointless. Shippuuden was alright, I didn't mind it even though I was still just waiting for something to do with Sasuke to happen (he shows up at episode 52 or something). I don't care much about him specifically, but it was the closure to such a great story that I wanted. Naruto is one of the worst shows I've ever watched. I say that because its really hard to defend a show that destroys itself by taking so damn long to get to the point. I can't ignore 150 episodes so easily.. that's half the series. The show clearly has moments.. awesome, awesome, moments.. but that doesn't save it. I think he fights Tony the tiger in a fuller arc.
I really got into Ben10 just recently. What a great American cartoon it is! The dialog is written pretty well, despite the occasional hero cheesy one-liners! Ben's watch times out at crucial moments, and he's gotta save the day as an ordinary kid half the time; I love resourcefulness over "power level" fights. When a character is resourceful in Naruto, it spans multiple episodes and requires people going into long-winded explanations... Ben10 does it several times an episode, and doesn't waste everyone's time describing it. Characters constantly repeating the name of another character, to increase the drama, is just crap; I'm glad to find a good cartoon that isn't anime sometimes.
I need to draw. I've been slacking in the drawingness. My pencil just sighs and shakes its head now, I need to restore the relationship. I came up with a good short-story comic idea, inspired a bit from Ben10, and a bit from Lucas (from Smash Bros: Brawl, and Earthbound2). It's sorta about a boy discovering he has psionic powers, and that his closet-psionic parents are bad guys in some dark secret organization. When he finds out something, they brainwash him so he remembers differently. The only link he has to the truth is a neighbour girl who was there with him, even though they really don't get along. She was caught, and spliced with her own puppy in an experiment (she got the worst of the mix, not more agile, nor better senses.. but colorblind and dog-anthro-looking). She wasn't supposed to survive, but she got out and the story goes on. It sounds exceptionally dark.. in fact it kinda sounds like crap, but a short overview misses all the stuff that makes it otherwise. The chemistry behind the two characters is that they drive each other on with their rivalry, and make fun of each other's quirks. The one with psi powers doesn't use 'em in a deadly situation as to win a bet that he doesn't need them to be useful, and the girl is floored by how dumb someone with mind powers can be. I'm pretty sure writing about it here isn't doing it any justice.. I've got good plans for the method in how its told though. It'd be interesting. What can possiblaye go wrong?
Wow, long post. I'm a firm believer in time efficiency, and how I lack in my time efficiency.
"Good news everyone, I'm a horses butt." "That's not good news at all, you little-"
-Professor Farnsworth and son
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| Blah! |
[27 Mar 2008|03:56pm] |
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mood |
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artistic |
] |
I haven't updated this in a long long time!
I have post spam from porn-minded people who I've never met. That's probably what it's like to be in hell... forced to spam porno links for eternity.
Cram it with walnuts, ugly! ò_-
Anyhow, I've got stuff to do now.
To quote the Mighty One.. Hasta la bye-bye!
(Mighty Max ftw!)
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| Overdue! |
[25 Aug 2006|02:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 blah |
] |
I haven't posted here in a long while. I'm overdue.
So I've been seeking out people from the old community. MSC/Anarchia people. I found Jester (Jaclyn Threadgill) and talked to her a bit via email. Seems like she's doing well. I hope I can keep in touch with her, at least once in a while, ya know?
I'm gonna whine about meeting people now. Seems like so many people rely on notes and forum posts publicly, and private chats otherwise. With compatible senses of humour I know I could take a chat by storm. Meet people easy. But how's that when you can't find any public chat's with people who suit? The concept of chat hunting bores me.
Ah well. My social life in general is in a rut. I imagine it'll clear up when classes start up again. All my real life friends have made themselves into hermits, and online is as stated above.
I had a plan today. Replace my motherboard with a friend's help. But he couldn't do it 'til tomorrow. Backup plan activated! ...but she had all this moving stuff to deal with. So I'm like, banging my head on the table until time to leave for work.
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| CBC |
[18 Aug 2005|02:33am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
] |
Who listens to CBC? uh? ..uh?
*raises hand*
I hate stupid radio personalities on the average radio station. They're idiots who act half their age and talk as if everyone who's listening is a lazy slob who has no idea/doesn't care about politics, news, and the world around themselves. This is why I prefer to listen to CBC radio.
When I'm on 104.9 The Wolf their selection of music is generally to my liking, but as soon as I start hearing all the sexist and/or slobbish innuendo talk and such ("Ladies, come sit on my deck. It's solid wood."), I say to myself, "This is crap. Why am I listening to this?" Then I switch over to CBC.
CBC radio is great. It's one of the few defining characteristic of Canadian culture, and so I'm proud of it. It's got interesting discussions, book talks and book readings, Quirks and Quarks (Every saturday at noon. I hate to miss Quirks and Quarks.. it's so neat and interesting). On the other hand, sometimes when I switch over to CBC I hear painful and weird music, or listen to some guy ramble on about nothing... then I say to myself, "This is bizarre. Why am I listening to this?"
I prefer bizarre over crap, however, so my choice is made.
Canada has CBC radio. One more reason why we rock. Check it out for yourself. CBC Radio.
However, there is currently some labour issues going on... >_o
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| Nice Guy? |
[15 Aug 2005|02:42pm] |
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mood |
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chipper |
] |
A LJ friend made a post that linked to this.
It's all about the problems with "Nice Guys". It might be a good wake-up call to guys who think "that they are nice guys, and that they're single because girls go for jerks". I don't like it all that much, though; it's kinda specific towards extremely non-specific occurances. People in general are like that.. make a few minor variations and it applies to women too. Heck, in the animal kingdom, certain pack animals (wolves, gorillas, lions, etc.) have an alpha; the animal that has the least social status in the pack is the one that sucks up to the alpha most. Feelings of insecurities and clinginess are survival tactics that we've all employed at one moment or another. Of course, when it fails it's time to try a new tactic... but some people don't learn very well.
In every lie/exaggeration/prejudice there is an aspect of truth, however small. When guys say that "girls always go for the jerks", I wouldn't call it bullshit... it's more of a half-truth. I've witnessed a few situations -not involving me- where it's been apt. The way I see it, most any guy who's trying to get into a girl's pants is going to behave like a nice guy to her, whether or not they really are so... so how can she tell the difference? Why not go for the more confident guy then. It's not even that simple either.
I have this friend; I've been friends with her for 4-5 years, and I had a good crush on her for the initial parts of that. She's never been interested in me though. Instead, she went for this other guy. He's a likable guy, everyone likes 'em, me included. It's easy to overlook that he is actually a bit of a jerk. The "He's a nice guy, but..." comes up a lot about him. So yeah.. he led her on and then decided he had enough and just started to avoid her. They had never even got to the point of being a couple... he's just screwed up or something. For the first while after that, she'd tell me "He's a nice guy, but he's a dink." Now she pretty well accepts that he's a jerk. The fact that I'm still hangin' around, her friend, kinda seems like it's proven to her that I'm a genuine nice guy. It's proof to myself as well.
I guess what it comes down to is that when a genuine good guy plays the relationships game, they play fair, play honest, and are a good sport regardless of whether they win or lose. And in the end, good guys are great in bed... because they always finish last! =P
"Hey! You can't park your van on the diving board!! Wait, that's not a van. That's just a fat kid."
LOOK!! IT'S PETER GRIFFIN!"
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| We weren't on TV!! |
[09 Aug 2005|10:49am] |
Well, I had a crazy weekend. Or rather, a crazy saturday.
First there was a parade in the morning. It was pretty hot out, and my kung fu group did 2 lions and a big flag. I was switching off with the lions, drum, and the flag. It was incredibly exhausting.
Later that day, my Kung fu group was part of the Canada Games Opening Ceremonies! We brought out the Dragon, a couple Lions, and a bunch of people swinging around flags. Those jerks running the thing... they had us there at 3:30, but we weren't scheduled to go on until 6:23. Even then, they had fallen way behind schedule and we weren't on until 7:30 or so. To top it off, everyone watching on TV will notice that they cut to commercials right before we went on!!
Damnation.
Everyone around us really seemed to like the Dragon though.
Took everyone two days to recover from all that. It was good stuff though.
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| All-nighter |
[24 Jul 2005|04:57am] |
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mood |
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 uncomfortable |
] |
I'm pulling an all-nighter tonight. I got home late and have to work at 9, which would allow me still a good amount of sleep, but I can't seem to allow myself sleep tonight. I spent a couple hours laying in bed being all paranoid and hypersensitive to how my body feels... every twitch, every itch, and every leg hair flicking against the bed sheets. Certain fears flooded my mind like they haven't before, but I'll get to that shortly. I got up and checked my blood glucose level. It is currently at 10 right now; its above my target range of between 4 and 7, but it's still okay. Beyond 10 is unexceptable, and below 4... well, below 4 I cannot think or function very well. Lower is worse, and kinda scary, but it's too easy to remedy (eat food). Come to think of it, I have 3 hours until breakfast time, and my blood sugar will have lowered by then, so 10 may be more of a necessary high at this time. I think I'm actually in the good right now.
Now, why I can't sleep; why I don't feel in the good right now. At some point I started to think of how I felt when I first got diabetes; the week where everything was all screwed up, before I got diagnosed with it. At the time, I felt incredibly tired and slothish all the time. My vision was terrible, it became impossible to read clocks from beyond 2 meters away. If I laid on my side when I was in bed, within a couple seconds one of my legs would become dead numb. I would roll on my back again, and endure about a minute of excruciating pain as my leg normalized once more. That was the worst of it, the legs; the additional thought that if I were to somehow fall asleep in that position, I may have lost a leg. I laid in bed tonight weighing my legs down with focus, concentrating on every feeling they have, and avoiding any position where I might feel like I'm restricting the blood-flow to them in any way. In actuality I know I'm safe, I'm not going to lose anything anytime soon. However, the notion of waking up an amputee scares me to death.
So I am awake.
I'm a pretty healthy person. I get a lot of exercise and usually eat well. These problems will likely never happen. However I am tired, and being tired does oft lead me along the path of irrational fear and emotional fragility.
I feel better just being awake right now. And after work I'm sure I'll be ready for some looong sleep.
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| Westfair foods!? |
[14 Jul 2005|09:59pm] |
Westfair foods. That is the company I work for (more specifically, Superstore). There's a reason why they don't sell computers... because whoever people make the big decisions are really stupid about technology. The Photolab, where I work, has the most advanced technology in the store. It is powerful equipment, yeah, but they made so many terrible decisions about it. For one, the programs that we use on the computers are tamper-proof, meaning that we can't get into a lot of the options and properties outside of the main program. Why? So we can't tamper with the settings and screw things up. That seems to miss the point that if there's anyone incompetant enough to do that, they shouldn't be in the lab in the first place. There's a billion other things in there that can be tampered with easily. Meanwhile, because of this tamper-proof setup, if the program itself screws up we can't fix it.
Then there's the new order stations. Undernieth everything they are normal computers... they just have a user-friendly custom program for the customers, and a special case. Stupidly, all the parts were made to fit the case, instead of the other way around; so when our SD Card reader busted, we had to order a new custom one which costs.... $1000. That's right, you can get an All-in-one card reader for between $30 and $40 or so, but this, solely SD, card reader costs $1000. The all-in-one would work just as well; I mean, the computer runs on windows.
Each of those order stations costed at least $10k each. I would have priced them around $2k; while I know the software and custom cases would add to the price, they still aren't even as good as my computer (only costed me $600 ~_^).
There's a mix of pride and frustration in knowing that if I was put in charge of our net-order and order station endevour, I would have saved the company hundreds of thousands of dollars. It's not that I care about the company so much, it's that there's some well-paid twit(s) out there who's job I would clearly be better at.
None of this has to do with the Printer Processor, or the Film Processor. I can understand how expensive those are, and that they pretty much have to be custom. But the computers the PP hooks up to are normal freakin' computers. Their price is a total ripoff.
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| The scientific method! |
[06 Jul 2005|02:43pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
I was thinking about creationism a bit. What does true science have that puts it above this quack-job belief? It's called the Scientific Method! I've been to a few creationism websites, and heard a few creationism talks... all they try to do is attempt to prove scientific theories wrong and prove themselves right. They claim they are knowledgable in science, yet they don't understand that scientists are already trying everything they can to prove their own theories wrong! That's what the scientific method requires. Not so with creationists however; they seem to omit and/or twist scientific evidence/knowledge to point out faults in other theories and legitimize their own. How can they know the truth when their method is entirely "me versus them"!? It's not about you being right; it's not even about you.
I'm sorry, but these guys have no credit in my veiw.
I think it's a moderately common thought that if someone doesn't allow themselves to just believe in anything, then they aren't considered to have a very good spiritual side, if one at all. Not really true though. I think our spirituality is somewhat like walking through darkness, searching for the light. Beliefs are a compass, so those with beliefs know exactly which direction they are heading... but they are still stumbling through the dark on their way to where they think the light may be. Those others, who don't just believe in things... their critical thought is like a candle, it is their own small bit of light that makes visible the ground below them; they can search the ground for evidence of the correct path, and while their progress is indirect and slow, what they find is truth. Each have their benefits, I guess.
I dunno. This is just rambling.
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| I'M KILLING YOUR MANS!! |
[29 Jun 2005|12:30pm] |
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mood |
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BANANA!!! |
] |
| [ |
music |
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http://www.di.fm/wma/deephouse_low.asx |
] |
I was playing Halo 2 last night. Friend has 2 Xbox's (one is his dad's, but his dad's been too busy playing FFXI to play it... so he borrowed it)... so yeah, my friend's had a 2 TV - 2 Xbox - 3 Live account setup for several months now. So I've been over playing Halo 2 with him and his roommate often. Headsets for all 3 of us.
Last night, as I was killing guys in Team Training I was saying: "I'M IN YOUR BASE!! I'M KILLING YOUR MANS!!" We're always doing something stupid like that. Last time we were going "WHOOOOP-whoop-whoop-whoop" every time we killed someone, as we tea-bagged them. It was awesome! =D
I love brown rice. I also love chick peas. Mmmm. No good without some salt though. A teaspoon of salt is like, 100 milligrams or so; a burger has around 1800 milligrams of salt in it or so. This is craziness. I figure I could use more salt on my food, and eat less burgers. Salt is good, but burgers don't need salt like that! (I'm pretty sure thats only with restaurant burgers)
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| Party on, Garth! |
[20 Jun 2005|09:33pm] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
] |
Today was awesome. Didn't work today, so I hung out with a friend. We sat on her porch talking and thinking about what to do. We decided we'd go to the beach! (not before we left a couple prank messages on a friend's answering machine =P) We regretted not taking the time to get our swimsuits/trunks, so we didn't go in the water further than to our knees. Doesn't matter though, it was such a clear day and I got a good amount of sun.
Last friday I met a cool girl. Met her through LJ. She seems nice; wouldn't mind hanging out with her again. The rest of my weekend after that was busy. Went to a house-warming party on saturday, where I learned how to play Mah Jong. Then I spent all sunday having a BBQ and playing '90's Trivial Pursuit with my family. So, yeah... busy... but not work busy.
I feel good. It was a pretty good past few days. I'm spent now. I just came home from Kung Fu class, where we're learning a new staff form. It's neat.
I realize that I love my staff. It's the only weapon where the wooden practice version and the real combat version are one in the same. Besides, staff is the mother of all weapons.
On a freaking out note: Gwa!
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| Posty McJournalupdate. |
[15 Jun 2005|05:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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NARF |
] |
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music |
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FF1 orchesta music |
] |
I spent all afternoon drawing. I've recently been thinking upon another story idea I've come up with. The icon (which I current am using) is a picture of one of the main characters: Ramsus. He's a knight who uses a mighty spear from atop his trusty horse, Ronde. I intend to have the world be very fantastical, with wonderous things beyond normal fantasy realms (thus employing some sort of extra originality). Even still, there are no anthro races like Ramsus... he's kinda under the knowledge that he was polymorphed that way by a wizard. Whether he can do anything about it, or even if it's true or not, remains to be seen. If, by chance, I manage to do this one, I don't want to have just spoiled it.
So far my sci-fi conspiracy story still remains unchanged from a couple years ago. I know I will get to that one eventually, because it's just a damn good idea. The main character, Paoro, has a sort of obnoxious sarcastic charm that I can see being very likeable.
I'm not going to talk about how I've been lately, because I've just sorta been "blah". I feel good now though... getting a good start on projects does that.
"I love lamp!"
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| Seigra! |
[05 Jun 2005|05:51pm] |
Final Fantasy Online has been reinstalled on my brother's computer, and has just now been installed on my new computer. We only have one account so I'm not sure how it will work, but I assume we won't be able to play at the same time. No matter, it's still all good.
Seigra, my mithra bard, has returned! I'm far behind Jeff and his dad in the game, but nothing that will be a problem. From what I gather, they've been too busy leveling up in a whole bunch of different classes. They probably aren't beyond my character's level in any of them, so I'll be able to party with them. Good time had by all.
I quit playing because my brother was spending way too much time on it and decided to take a break, and I was too busy always going to Darren and Chani's house. It wasn't worth it anymore at the time, but I'm glad it's back now. Considering I'm not going to their house anymore, I now have something to fill that space.
"LOUD NOISES!!"
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| What to do.. |
[03 Jun 2005|11:07pm] |
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mood |
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Excuse me while I hemorrhage. |
] |
What a boring friday night. Normally, every friday night for the past 3/4 year, I would go to an open get-together at a friend's house. Usually it'd be 4-6 people there, all friends of mine, and we'd have interesting conversations and/or play cards. I should note that the person who's house it's at isn't my friend anymore, I guess. I'm pretty sure I'm still welcome to be there, but I wouldn't feel comfortable so I'm not going. I have to find something new to occupy my friday nights. It won't be easy, because most of my friends already have stuff to do friday nights. Several of them go to the get-together, obviously.
What a pain. I had a complete circle of friends, then one link breaks and I have to adjust so much just to get back on track.
I also just learned that a bunch of my friends from kung fu went around the Mosaic pavillions tonight. A friend on MSN just told me that they were wondering why I didn't go too. Geez, I would have loved to have gone, but nobody tried to call me! My work schedule would have made it difficult to get ahold of me the past couple days, but I do have a cell phone... if they couldn't just leave me a message at home! Grr... this makes me angry. It must be ditch Matt week or something!
My posts have been pretty negative lately. I know, I want them to stop too. I prefer not to force myself not to be negative, though. There's a certain comfort in allowing oneself to feel hurt. I doubt the hurt lasts longer that way either... it's just better than that conflicted pressured feeling of trying to fight the hurt down. I suppose the trick is to allow those negative emotions, but to avoid feeding them... that would be the path to the dark side; Master Yoda would not approve. I think an addition to my difficulty is that when I care enough about a person I let myself get way too emotionally attached. I know, I see it, I'm a fool. I set myself up for a bigger fall. On the other hand, I don't think I do. There's a certain amount of pride in knowing the effort I'm willing to put into these other people. I may be an idiot and a complete fool, but I make a worthy friend.
So I played Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones all night. It felt like a waste of a night, but oh well. I like Franz for some reason. I think it's 'cause he looks just like me. That, and I just love the sprite animations for all the horse-riding units (cavaliers, paladins, etc.). My party is completely off-balance though... Seth and Franz completely dominate all the enemies, but everyone else is forced to hide.
There. What a long post this was. I seemed to have gone through an array of emotions in the process. That was neat.
...or my blood sugar is off. A suckier kind of neat.
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| ... |
[02 Jun 2005|02:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 shocked |
] |
Well... I have just recently lost one of my best friends. It sucks, but I suppose it's not quite as bad as fighting a Kenyan mangrove crab.
I'm not entirely sure why. She did give me a reason, but it was both entirely avoidable and incredibly silly. Often hardships come between friends, but just as often all it takes is a little talk to realize how silly the problem really is. She didn't talk to me... not until after she had already decided she didn't want to be friends. It wasn't about the problem anymore, it was about finding whatever she could to fortify her decision as the correct one.
She's always been a bit of a loner, but it seems like months ago she shut herself off from everyone. The logical assumption made -by practically everyone who knows her- was that she was over-stresses about school work (which she had a ton of). But... the semester ended a month ago and she's been the same. There's a problem. Not only that, but our friendship changed at some point and I was never talked to about any of it.
I feel stupid, like there was something I should have done. In hind-sight, though, I did everything I should have done. I had a problem that I needed to talk to her about (see my previous post); it was a very serious problem to me, and I planned to deal with it as soon as I could. Serious as it was, it was still only a scratch... nothing that could ruin my friendship with her. Her problem was unreal, and when I say unreal I mean that it could have been talked through and dealt with within a minute or two and yet it was somehow enough to end the whole friendship.
I dunno... I'm not just saying it because it makes me feel a little better (it does and it doesn't), but something is wrong. I'm a little concerned about her.
Oh well. Regardless, it's over now. Walking away...
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| Life of Pie |
[24 May 2005|09:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Black Mages |
] |
Hi.
um... I know it's been a while, LiveJournal, but I just started to think about you and... I dunno... maybe we could talk?
Anyways, what has been up with me lately? Well. Lately. All is not well in the world of Matt. S'not all bad, just a few things are problematic.
Difficulties balancing my Blood sugar levels have been the source of much instability. It's difficult, but I will have it under control soon. However, I've heard that stress and mood-related stuff can effect blood sugar levels almost as much as blood sugar levels effect mood. The trick is figuring out whether my other problem is effecting my blood sugar levels, or if my blood sugar levels are what's causing me to feel particularly vulnerable to my other problem. Or... if both are leading me on a downward spiral of sorts.
This leads me to the other problem, my other problem. See, I was very close to a girl not long ago. We were like buddy-buddy; we could say and do anything with one-another and feel perfectly comfortable. When I say "anything", I mean anything. There was quite the possibility of sexual things happening. However, when I say "could", I, as well, mean could. We were both interested in the sexual stuff, that I know, but we didn't explore very far into it. And why would we need to? As far as I was concerned that was never part of our relationship, it was more of a byproduct of our lax boundaries to eachother.
The problem first cropped up later on, when she decided that for various reasons she did not want to continue with these "sexual possibilities". My initial response was akin to "Pff! Big deal!". I wasn't losing anything that was important to me... or really anything at all for that matter (not that she isn't beautiful, I just had no intentions). But with further thought it started to really bug me... it seemed like a big decision to her, but if the loss was negligible, why would it be? A few months later I now realize where all my confusions and frustrations came from... what it was that worried me about her decision.
We're not as close as we used to be. While I do consider her one of my closest friends, I find I have to convince myself of that rather than state it matter-of-fact-ly. Our friendship seemed to have started to wane at around the same time she made her decision. Could it be that a lot more of our relationship was sexual than I ever realized? Not to me, but to her? That really bothers me.
It may not be the case, but it's the most logical explanation. I'm going to have to talk to her soon, I think. I love the girl, I do, so something must be done. In hindsight, instead of struggling to accept her decision it would have been better to struggle challenging it... even if her decision remained the same, it would have been more resolved to us both. But if I could think that clearly in the midst of it all...
Speaking of whine... Obikwa, a South African wine I believe, is awesome stuff! Get the Shiraz type, it's the better kind.
Sometimes I think that I would do better in relationships if I was more directly selfish about it.
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| Harpy Hellawin! |
[02 Nov 2004|09:08pm] |
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mood |
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chipper |
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Halloween was great! Actually, no, the friday before Halloween was great! A friend had a party at their house with a few friends; we talked for a little bit, then we turned up the music and danced until 4 am! My costume was of a Private Detective from the '20's or so. I had the trenchcoat, suit, hat and everything. It was a bit hot though, fortunately I wasn't wearing it the whole night through ~_^
Ahem.. My Broke Clock Halloween comic didn't make it in the Carillon's halloween edition, but it will be in this week's one. Sucks, but whatever. Apparently written stuff has to be in by tuesday morning the latest, but comics have to be in before 1pm monday. I did not know this until the guy said it yesterday. All I knew was the article due dates, so I went with that. grrr...
Chani asked me if this one girl at the party (whom I particularly know) is always as rude to me as she was. I was like, "She was rude to me?" She's always been a little rude to me, I realized that I've just gotten used to it. I remember times when we'd be in a group and she'd cut me down, then compliment Darrel, then cut me down, then compliment Darek, then cut me down another time, then compliment Zack... and so on to that effect. I was the nicest guy in the world to her and she made me feel like garbage, and I just stood there and took it without a word because, I dunno, some part of me made me unable to get angry at her (possibly something to do with being the nicest guy in the world =P). She's really a wonderful girl, she just.. needs to work on some things. Regardless, there is no reason good enough for her to treat me that way. She's gotten better, but I'm thinking I'll flat out warn her that if she ever does that sort of thing to me again I'm not going to tolerate it. I'm a lot more confident now than I was then; while I won't really get angry, I will tell her off.
Or maybe I won't warn her.
Whatever. I must go party down with Chani! We're going to drink water until we're so piss-drunk that we think water is alchohol!
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| Another while... |
[26 Oct 2004|07:06pm] |
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mood |
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 devious |
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music |
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Garbage - Hammering in my Head |
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Been a couple weeks or so since my last post. I've just felt too lazy to post. I've been outrageously busy with homework projects, and my comic (which I need to get online as well eventually); whenever I actually have time to post something in here, I'd rather go do something else.
Yesterday I picked up a fidora. What an awesome hat! It's for my halloween costume, (I'm being a Private Eye from the '20's) but it's worth wearing more often. Apparently the hat suits me perfectly, I'm told. I also picked up a music cd, Garbage 2.0. Garbage is freakin' awesome! I would roll around in garbage all day if I could. A friend of mine described Garbage as being aural sex, and I agree completely, I was going to tell him the same thing had he not said it first.
aural? Is that correct? Ya know, having to do with hearing and the ears.
On another note, I got a letter from SGI and it says I currently have 6% off my license cost. More precisely, I have a +6 Safety Rating (+9 against Ogres =B)
Yeah, it's D&D night too, and I should go.
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